A beloved 92 year old woman, with whom I have recently developed a thoroughly mesmerizing relationship, recently shared a poignantly sad realization: “I don’t trust much,” she said, her soft southern drawl separating the words slowly and deliberately. When I asked her to elaborate, she said, “I don’t trust my son-in-law, or his motives for keeping my daughter from me.” She raised her delicate hand to smooth her short, white hair behind her ears and continued, “I realize I don’t trust me either, because I haven’t been able to tell him what I feel.”
At the core of almost every single challenging issue in our lives is a twisted relationship we have to and around––trust––both the noun and verb varieties. We bandy the word around as if it’s a snap to accomplish. Our reliance on integrity, ability, strength and our confidence in ourselves and others is the nucleus of that trust. Even our currency emblazons “In God We Trust.” I don’t know about you, but I frequently don’t think we trust God very much at all, regardless of ones’ religious convictions. And, if we don’t trust God, how are we, Spirited Beings, to be expected to trust ourselves?
Think about it for a minute. Let’s say you’re getting reading to put in your resume for the job you’ve wanted all your life and you hear that nagging inner-voice saying “I’m not going to get this. I’m not good enough.” Where’s the trust? Sometimes that voice may be offering a powerful guidance that might be suggesting to you to better prepare or educate yourself. But, more often than not, that negative voice, with which we’re all painfully familiar, is one of personal sabotage. How often do you truly trust yourself? Let me get more specific: How often do you trust yourself to be loved, to be successful, to be worthy, to live an abundant life…or to just plain matter?
There’s an old Irish Proverb that says “When mistrust comes in, love goes out.” In my counseling and spiritual practice I see that axiom born out again and again. However, I believe that it’s not that love goes anywhere, it’s always there. It’s more that when we distrust, we have detached from the love that is the foundation of our very existence. Where love isn’t acknowledged, we cease to trust anything or anyone.
I asked my 92 year old friend if she thought she could learn to trust herself now. After she said yes, I asked another question: Are you willing to trust yourself now? Again, she answered affirmatively. The third and final question: When? “Right the hell now,” she answered, with a growing, aware smile that melted me right to my heart’s center.
Perhaps you might be willing to ask yourself those same three questions right now. Can you trust you? Will you trust you? When?
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